Have you got any addictions? Smoking? Vodka? Coffee? Have you got any technological addictions? Facebook perhaps? Do you look at the app every 10 minutes on the dot, wondering what you’re missing out on?
Turns out you can also develop an addiction to dating and dating apps. When Tinder told me “There is no one new near you” I expanded my search distance or age restrictions to get more hits. I had a saved search on Plenty of Fish that I would do every day, just in case a new guy who met my every requirement (and lets face it, the list is long) joined up overnight or while I was at work. And I checked constantly for new users. What if I missed him?? Then I started to worry….
It got to the point where I had several conversations going on both Tinder and Plenty of Fish. I met a handful of them, one who really took my fancy in fact. Unfortunately, I didn’t take his fancy quite as much. If on your 4th date, your guy falls asleep on your couch then wakes up and goes home without so much as trying to cop a feel, he’s probably just not that into you. Lesson learned the hard way, but lesson learned.
The thing is, the more I messaged with people, the more I met people, the more I got completely let down by people I really felt a connection with and got excited about, the more I realised the dating apps, and dating, were completely destroying me. They were completely destroying my self esteem, and they were completely destroying my ability to be a good parent. Because they were at the forefront of my mind constantly. When my phone made a notification noise, I jumped at it.
So, December 31st, I deleted Mr Snoozy McSnooze pants, I deleted Tinder, I deleted Plenty of Fish, and I set off about 2017 the way I intend to live it: for myself, and my son. Perhaps after a few months of truly getting my priorities right and a few life-balls settled into the juggling routine, I may go back and dip my toes in the world of dating apps. Until then, I’ll put all that time and effort that went into dating, into myself. My hobbies. My son. Our life. Because I would much rather spend the rest of this life enjoying what I do have, than being obsessed with what I might or might not be missing out on.