It’s Becoming A Habit

At first having the freedom and newfound liberation to go and sleep with strangers when I wanted to, if I wanted to, was kind of thrilling. But it has become a bit of a habit, and now it just makes me feel awful about myself. Especially when I learn more about the One Night Stand and they seem like guys I’d like to have something more than a ONS with. Although I only find this out through cyber stalking. And you know, they clearly don’t feel the same. None of them have exactly tracked me down the next day to ask me on a date. And why would they when they already got what they wanted?

It takes a pretty strong, confident and noncommittal person to have a one night stand. My pattern is simple. I drink to much. A cute guy buys me some drinks. We flirt. We kiss, and I am his. I am that easy. It all feels wonderful at the time, but the next morning my flight instinct kicks in and I am gone before they awake. I really am the ideal ONS. No strings attached.

But there are strings attached. To me. To my emotional state of mind, which quite frankly has been pretty fragile the second half of this year. I thought this was supposed to get easier? Time was supposed to heal?

The solution seems simple. Don’t go out. Don’t get drunk. Don’t kiss cute boys. Any or all of those would be a good start. But then I sit home, alone, lonely, and end up feeling crap about myself anyway. Surely the right solution is to just figure out how to not get emotionally attached to a ONS. But is doing that really that easy? What do you think?

 

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