Did you know, that even if you are the one who wants out of your marriage, and you’ve felt like you’ve wanted out for a little while, it doesn’t make actually getting out any easier. Not in the slightest. I feel like some people think, “Well this is what you wanted, so you must be over the moon?”
While the overwhelming feeling may start off as relief, it is quickly followed by doubt, regret, loneliness, fear, more doubt, and more loneliness. It is also often followed by irrational jealousy, a sense of competition and bitterness. So much bitterness.
A counselor I saw said it was important to recognise what I am feeling, explore why I am feeling it, allow myself to feel it, then move on. The last two parts of the process are the easy ones. The first two parts however are another story.
Recognising and exploring why you HATE the fact your ex has a new girlfriend is hard. Feeling spiteful and resentful that they have moved on so easily when you’re the one who wanted out feels just plain yucky. And the worst part is, there’s nothing you can do to stop the feelings.
I finally stopped trying to fight what I was feeling and figured out what she really meant by accepting it and moving on. It is OK to be jealous that your ex has moved on. It’s OK to feel resentful and spiteful. What’s not OK is holding on to those emotions. It’s not OK to be so focused on your ex’s life that you forget to start your new one.
And so that’s what I did – I started doing all the things I love to do on my child-free weekends. It gives you something to look forward to, and it also makes you get out and meet new people. Plus it is just good food for the soul, and something more people should make time to do, whether they’re in a relationship or not.
I won’t go in to how time-poor we all are these days, but finding even 30 minutes could be the difference between an average day and a great one. So, next time you’re feeling all the emotions, figure out why, allow yourself to feel them for a little while, then move. the. fuck. on. The only person who suffers when you hold onto it is you.