Kristy at My Home Truths is asking us to share 10 things we believe in her I Must Confess linkup today. I started writing a post about 10 Things I Believe About My Path, that was going to be so incredibly deep, moving and uplifting that it made me gag and I decided to write about 10 Things I Believe About Single Parent Dating.
I’ve been back on the market almost a year now. And as a woman on the wrong side of 35, who has a majority of custody of her son, this has not been as easy as I first thought it might be. In any case, I hope you enjoy these 10 things I believe about dating as a single parent.
- Dating in your late 30s and 40s brings even more baggage and ingrained personality
flawstraits that can’t be changed. If you thought you had to sort through the shit and the issues when you were dating as a 24 year old, you have not seen anything yet. We are all walking around with the scars of our previous relationship, which after a marriage usually includes nastiness, hurt and multiple heartbreaks, because there is no heartbreak like a child’s heartbreak.
- Online dating is easier than meeting someone in person. As a single parent, it’s easy to sit online once the kids are in bed and “meet” people. It is convenient, and you can sort of get an idea if you might be attracted to that person or not.
- Online dating is harder than meeting someone in person. Meeting them online is easy, but it is impossible to gauge any kind of chemistry through a picture, a description and a few messages. In my experience thus far, online chemistry never converts to physical chemistry.
- Time is precious for a dating single parent. Personally, I only have every other weekend completely child free. There is too much going on during the week to date. I don’t have time to waste meeting people I am not a little bit keen on. And I don’t have time to waste thinking, “He could be ok” after I’ve met them. If there isn’t something there on that first date, I won’t bother going on another one.
- A 12 month break from relationships post-separation is a great idea for single parents. I met someone I was really interested in, just a couple of months after my separation. He kept telling me I needed 12 months on my own. I didn’t want to hear it. But he was right. As a mum/wife who also worked and studied, time on my own wasn’t something I was used to anymore, and I didn’t know what to do with my time. It took about 6 months, but I finally realised my child-free weekends were my time to re-discover what I love doing, and to do it!
- It is OK to date around and have fun. I have known lots of people who have jumped straight into another relationship. Probably because they weren’t told about #5 and panicked, thinking they needed to fill that gap that was now there. Just because you meet someone for coffee doesn’t mean you have to marry them. And if you want to have casual sex, then feel free to go for it. People may judge you, but it’s usually because they’re slightly jealous and wish they were free to do the same thing.
- Anyone under 30 without kids does not want a relationship with you. They just want that casual sex mentioned above. And you know what, if they are hot and you are keen, I say go for it! Then brag about it to your mates.
- Men without kids don’t get it. I’m sure they’re lovely, but if they are in their late 30s or 40s and don’t have kids, they may be ok with you having one (or some) but they’re not ever really going to understand what it means to have your kids always come first. They won’t understand why you can’t just get a babysitter to dating during the week. They won’t understand when you cancel on them because your kid is sick and just wants his mum, even though it’s his weekend at his dad’s. There may be exceptions to this rule, but I’d say they’re few and far between.
- It’s OK to wait for the right one. You’ve already wasted however many years on the wrong one. Don’t waste more. There actually are Plenty of Fish in the sea (FYI – the most successful dating site I’ve used is Plenty of Fish. Successful in that there is lots to choose from and they have to offer more information than Tinder). And I believe The Right One is out there for me. I might have to meet 100 other guys first, but he is out there.
- You have to put yourself out there. I don’t know about you, but hot available men don’t usually come knocking on my door, asking me out to dinner. Since separating I have upped the activities I do in my child free time, and I’ve joined a couple of different dating sites. It is scary as hell to meet someone in person sometimes, but I’m yet to have a date that was so bad he couldn’t at least hold a conversation. I’ve even been on a few 2nd and 3rd dates. The bottom line is, you’re not going to meet anyone sitting on your couch, so get out amongst it! It can even be fun!
Would love to hear your beliefs on single parent dating if you’ve done it. Or even if you haven’t, what your perception of single parent dating looks like.
Linking up with Kirsty at My Home Truths for I Must Confess